Go...Goodbye...Growth (Pains)

As many of you know this fall brought a whirlwind of changes into my life. At the end of August I got engaged and I moved from Chicago to Richmond, CA. On September 1st, I began a new job as one of the pastors at Living Hope Neighborhood Church. At the end of September I helped my then fiance' move her stuff from Branson, MO to Richmond. On Saturday November 5th I got married to Josie! Then on Sunday November 6th we flew back to Richmond together to begin our new life and ministry together. It is safe to say that the end of 2011 flew by, and left my head spinning:)

In recent weeks I feel as if the weight of all of the changes has caught up with me. This morning I watched a video of a new song by J'son called "Goodbye" that strongly resonated with me and how I have been feeling. In J'son's case he relocated from St. Louis, MO to Iowa. I don't know all of the details of his transition there, but I know from the song he believes that God purposefully moved him there, away from all that he has known and loved. I think my situation is different from his, yet what he shares about "being in a fruitful place" and "growing pains" is exactly what I'm feeling.

In the song he says something like this, "leaving the city I love, leaving the people I love, but I gotta follow the God I love (paraphrase)." Then he adds, "saying goodbye to everything you know, cause you feel the Spirit telling you go." Chicago is the place that I "grew up" in ministry. During my ten years there I learned so much about God, myself, race & culture, living in community, the Church, etc. I came to love the city, it's pace, its joys, and its struggles. I also came to love the families whom I was serving in youth ministry. I love the young men and women whom I have watched grow up, and am so proud of them and of what God is doing in their lives. I built strong friendships with my co-laborers (both at Sunshine, at Christ Bible Church, and at other ministries), and feel like I have a huge extended family there. And yet with all of that being said (being in a place I love and at a ministry I love), I began to feel like the Lord was moving me. I say those words with caution (as I know they can be overused and abused - ie "the Lord told me..."), but I genuinely feel His hand has been on this move and transition process.

God now has me in a different region of the country, in a smaller city, in a very diverse community, and on staff at a small church (with big dreams). I feel like God is stretching me in every area of my life.

At Home: I love being married. The fact that I am married to Josie is evidence of God's grace. I am so thankful. Yet, with all of that being said I am learning what it means to be a husband. Marriage is holding a mirror up to my selfishness. This is a great thing for my growth, but a painful thing at the same time. I am learning what it means to be the spiritual leader of my home. Every day, I'm trying to better learn my wife - how the Lord has wired her, what makes her tick, and what ticks her off:) God is growing me through my marriage.

At Church: I still can't believe I'm a pastor, and all the responsibility that it entails. I am in over my head. I am blessed with a great team to learn from and to learn with. I am also blessed with a loving church community. However, at the same time I feel like my "ministry identity" has been stripped away and at times I feel like I'm not sure who I am, or how I quite fit in here. At Sunshine, I was the "youth outreach director." I'm not much into titles, but what I am learning about myself is that I did have a "ministry identity" that I had grown into and become comfortable in. Now God has stripped that away, and is stretching me to find my identity in Him and through community here, as we flesh out the Great Commission together.

In The Neighborhood: In Chicago I lived in a neighborhood that was predominately African-American. The part of the neighborhood in which I lived and worked was predominately low-income families. I loved it there, and learned much from my neighbors there. I now live in a neighborhood that is very diverse, both ethnically and economically. It has a completely different feel. Although racial and class segregation is not as felt here, people live very separate lives even though they live next door to each other. I am recognizing that I liked "being known" by people in Chicago. No one knows me here, and I am challenged to learn afresh how to best build relationships and bridges amongst my neighbors. For example, the family who lives next door to us are Muslims. There is a mosque at the end of our street. I am praying that I can build relationships and share Jesus with them, but to be honest it is a daunting challenge that I know the Lord has placed on my heart. God is using the newness of my surroundings to grow me.

So here I am (and here we are). I'm learning. I'm being stretched. It is uncomfortable. I miss people. I miss the more familiar. Yet I am trusting that God has been sovereignly leading this process, and He is shaping and molding me through it. God has blessed me (& Josie) with new community to do life with and new mentors and teachers. As J'son said, "I'm in a fruitful place." My prayer continues to be, Lord teach me what You would have me to learn.

"Cause I know your aim, to glorify Your holy Name, as we go through these growing pains" Amen.