Right now I am in a weird place somewhat. I just turned 30 years old! A few years ago that seemed "really old" to me, and I wasn't looking forward to reaching that milestone, but now I have embraced it and "I feel great." I am as busy as I have ever been with ministry, and I am loving what I am doing. I love the new tutoring program that I am coordinating, I love the guys that I have the opportunity to disciple right now. I have been living in the Woodlawn neighborhood for just over a year now, and the south side for almost 4 years, and I love where I live. Although I have my moments when I am really frustrated in my singleness, overall I feel pretty content and confident that God's got me, and that marriage and a family will come when it is time. I am surrounded by some great friends and co-workers
However, sometimes in the midst of all of this I feel unsettled. Sometimes I feel anxious. Sometimes I struggle with doubt. Sometimes my faith isn't that strong. Lately, I have been feeling a sense of spiritual weariness. My devotional life lacks a sense of passion. I feel like I am doing it more out of a sense of obligation rather than because I am thirsty for it. I am reminded of a quote that Dr. Fuder used to share. I think Stephen Olford said it. He said, sometimes that you have to "push through until duty becomes delight." Last week I was reading through the Psalms where David repeatedly says that he "delights" in God's laws, or his precepts, or his truth. I was convicted, because as I read it, I knew that I couldn't make those same claims right now.
I think this is what faith is really all about...."pushing through until duty becomes delight."